118 HAWAII PARENT March/April 2024 may pass these worries on to your children. 3. The Stickler obsesses over perfectionism and a need for constant order and organization. Messy rooms and disorganized backpacks create major stress for Sticklers. 4. The Victim may blame their child’s behavior for their emotional responses. They may engage in negative self-talk, telling themselves they cannot handle parenting challenges. 5. The Avoider procrastinates and avoids conflict or uncomfortable situations. These parents may avoid accountability by focusing solely on the child’s behavior as the cause of their distress. 6. The Pleaser has a strong need to be liked and craves constant reassurance. Children raised by pleasers may lack boundaries and have difficulty handling disappointments. There are nine inner voices (Chamine labels these voices “saboteurs”) that are ruled by your inner judge. These parts of you feel disappointed, angry, regretful, guilty, ashamed and anxious. These inner voices hijack your brain, resulting in losing your patience and overreacting when your child triggers you. When you understand your inner voices, you learn how to gain control of your mind and maintain your peace. Which of these inner voices steal your peace? 1. The HyperAchiever focuses on external validation and acceptance of others. Grades, achievements, and climbing the ladder of success determine your child’s value. 2. The Hyper-Vigilant always worries about all the dangers and what could go wrong. If your parents were worried and taught you why the world was scary, you The pressure to succeed can be overwhelming. “Strengthening your mental muscles enables you to identify and overcome limiting beliefs that influence your reactions.”
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