104 HAWAII PARENT July/August 2024 Conversely, correction-based approaches often negatively affect a child’s emotional well-being and behavior. Recent studies from PreventChildAbuse.org found that frequent physical punishment was associated with increased aggression and behavioral problems in children. How do we develop a strong connection and bond with our children? Every opportunity you engage with your child is a chance to connect or disconnect. The founder of Positive Discipline, Dr. Jane Nelson, believes, “When children feel a connection … often that is enough for misbehavior to stop.” In other words, connection is the main ingredient in solving kids’ problem behaviors. Here are five tips to focus on building a connection with your child: 1. Trust and Safety: Children feel safe and secure when they feel connected to their parents. This trust allows them to be more receptive to guiding behavior using harsh words damages a child’s self-esteem. It sends the message that they are inherently bad or unworthy, which can lead to long-term psychological issues. The focus is stopping undesirable behavior rather than teaching the child why the behavior is inappropriate and how to make better choices in the future. Scolding might temporarily stop a behavior, but it often doesn’t lead to long-term behavior change. Children may simply learn to avoid getting caught rather than internalizing the lesson. Connection is a more effective approach to discipline than correction. Parents teach their children self-regulation skills, resulting in fewer behavior problems. Children who experience positive parent-child relationships are more likely to develop social competence and academic success. Connection leads to trust and bonding, encouraging children to cooperate with their parents. Working through challenges together is how children can develop the skills needed to face similar situations in the future. “Children may simply learn to avoid getting caught rather than internalizing the lesson.”
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